Wednesday, November 17, 2004
in the past... i always felt that co practices are forever fun and enjoyable... there's so much laughter and lame jokes 'flying' around and i never had to worry much... i guess it was probably due to the fact that i was always hidden at the back of the section during dazu and no one ever noticed me... thus i can laugh and relax while listening to other sections play and waiting for our turn to play....
now... i feel that it's a totally different thing... i have to sit right in front of ms chek where u cannot do anything but listen... maybe it's just because i am not used to it... also... there's minimal interaction between the juniors and the seniors.... i personally feel that there seems to be a barrier between me and the sec 1s that i carn break through... making it difficult for me to understand and interact with them sometimes.... i am tired of nagging at them everyday and making them practice... sometimes i really feel like breaking down and just give up on everything... i am really tired of all these....facing ms chek and mr lee.... the stress is really really really huge....
perhaps.....i am not qualified to be a asl after all.... i mean... i do not have the skills.... i dun think i have the responsibility... and now i think i carn even interact with the juniors.... wat is wrong with me??? how can anyone be so shi1 bai4??? imagine ms chek telling u that ur skills is not good enough... it's kinda.... depressing.... the sec 1s can play better than me.... part of me is thinking.... hey... some of them played the cello for a longer period of time... so it's natural for them to play better than you..... while the other part of me is like... u r the senior.... u r supposed to be better than them!!!! so i'll start pushing myself mentally and physically to lian like crazy during sectionals...
so... now.... i'm just waiting for eunice to be back and share the stress.... it's better when u have someone to talk to.... well... at least the shiru problem and olivia problem is solved..... furthermore mr lee's reallocating the seating position... i might go back to the back of the section afterall....
23:47
Sunday, November 07, 2004
so... just came back from beijing yesterday... well.... it was an interesting experience... met people like joe CHEE and tausy(they won't read this right?)... aniwae... beginning to miss the days when all 10 of us will sit in one of the rooms (usually mine and jocelyn's) and start gossiping while having cambell soup..... haha... it's quite unbelievable.... didn't know this trip will be soooooooooo scandalous....
yeapz.... will be going back to CO tml... actually i'm quite worried... cos i don't know how to play bach suite... haven seen the syf score yet... and i just understand from eunice that there seems to be alot of problems in the section right now.... and since eunice is currently in shanghai.... i'm kinda responsible to improve things.... well... just have to look at the brighter side of things..... it can't be that bad..... right???
20:24