Saturday, March 26, 2005
maybe i should refrain from sleeping too much... cos i keep having 'nightmares' related to CO... let's see... firstly... i dreamt that we had to write xi2 zi4 for CO... then i missed out an entire row of the number one... so ms chek was staring at me and said.. ni3 zai4 gao3 shen3 me4 huh? then i stared back at her and said... i dunno... then... i was sms-ing during CO.... then somehow i got electric shock... wen qi who sat opp me said something like... i saw everything... her hair just went up like that (?)... after that ms chek banned everyone from sms-ing during CO... in case they kana electric shock like me.... btw... sitting arrangement was weird... all the different sections were surrounding ms chek... who was standing in the middle conducting... and somemore... i was sitting behind sheng ppl... oh yeah... and i was playing dizi.... den i keep blowing and blowing and no sound came out... i don't even understand what was on the score lah... in the end i woke up perspiring.... i think i am under too much stress from CO... haha... having weird dreams like these....
20:03
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
i thought you would understand. having the same parents. i thought you would. you had a stressful cca... you worried about your studies... i thought you would understand the stress i am going through... you were the only one who knows we, truly and fully... the person who understands what goes through in my mind... the person who can always tell if i am unhappy without having me to say so... the one whom i could confide in... without having any restrictions... i understand that everyone has their own stress... but when you said that just now... i was devastated... i cried... because... you clearly don't understand. you don't understand me. i am disappointed in you.
22:53
i think i lost all the pride i had in myself today... i've long resigned to the fact that no one seems to take me seriously... but do i look funny or something??? why did the juniors always laugh when they see me??? honestly... i don't mind juniors kidding around with me... but there are really times in which we HAVE to be serious... i really don't mind joking around and laughing with you guys... but please leave me with some respect and treat me like someone you can bully and laugh at.... switched places with yanqi and yuhsuan... went to sit right behind everyone like we used to again... reminds me of the times when we still had our seniors... someone to depend on... someone to confide in... someone whom we could seek advice... but now?? i admit that i used to bully liu ting as well... but was i like that... is this like erm... retribution or something??? i can't stand it anymore... well.. maybe it's because wat the juniors did today... but... nevermind... phew... i need to control my temper...
21:22
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
two years ago... when i did not get into syf... i was devastated. i thought that a couple of seniors did not try to improve their skills at all... so why am i giving up my space for such people? then was the only time i seriously considered quitting CO and found every practice a bother. Now... for this syf.... i really wonder if i did well enought or tried hard enough for this space in the competition... did i take it for granted? should i let those who did not have this chance, enter syf instead? those peeps in CO... please do your for the goal... this is for our seniors, our juniors and our fellow CO mates who did not get the chance that we took for granted.
19:21
have you ever counted the number of time you said you're sorry per day? i really wonder how many really came from the bottom of your heart. how long will you have to take to realise the apologizing only lessens YOUR guilt and it has no effect whatsoever on the others? i know i am being mean here... but hey... i'm just stating facts.
19:18
Saturday, March 12, 2005
had my theory exam today.... it was generally ok... except for the fact that i din know the meaning of a couple italian terms... actually wanted to check if i had guessed the meanings correctly after the exam... but the thing is... i forgot the terms... so... nothing special abt the exam... except that i was one of the last peep leaving after the exam... one of the two last ones actually.... well... the other last one was the person sitting nxt to me... i think she's trying to compete with me to be the last person to leave the room... cos i was checking and checking and it was only when i was abt to leeave that i realised that we were the only ones left... so i started packing up... then the person next to me packed me as well... in the end... we handed up our paper together... weird....
yeapz... sigh... missing the camp now... the times when me dawn aud and shu lie on our bed... cracking lame jokes and laughing at timothy.... missing the times when we laughed and comment about each other's make up.. sigh... the camp should have been longer... well... it's partly bcos it's quite slacky... so we din do much during the camp... they should have compacted more activities... but if they did so... we would have complained... haha... so actually i dunno wat they should do as well.....
currently looking forward to CO!!! miss dazu!!! listening to the concert cd now. realised we have to do much better than that. am tired. shall go to sleep. now.
22:59
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
went to the salon to cut my hair today.... got a hair wash as well.... honestly... i really don't understand why those tai-tais like to have their hair washed at the salon lah... i mean... it feels like washing your hair yourself.. except that u dun have to use your hands and it hurts alot more... so unless you haven't washed your hair for like 2 weeks... i dun understand why ppl would wanna wash their hair at salons... for no apparent reason... aniwae... i've got a new hair erm... style... and it looks different... for once... haha.... kinda hoping that my hair wouldn't remind anyone of toothbrushes.... well... it did remind boon pin 2 years ago....
20:42
